Please Respect Your Local SAHM

As if being a stay-at-home isn't hard enough, my wife got to interact with a first-class citizen today. She took our 2 toddlers to the public library (a wonderfully free activity for kids of all ages) this morning. Our library is pretty popular, so the main parking lot is usually pretty full.

As she was herding our 3 and 1 year olds to the car, a gentleman (and I use that term VERY loosely) pulled up behind and waited to take the parking spot she was about to vacate. He proceeded to sit and watch a 8 1/2 month pregnant woman put a 1 year old in her car seat and a double-wide stroller in the back of the car. As she started to help the 3 year old climb into the car, our kind middle-aged man asked, "Are you leaving or not?" After his obviously well-meaning question, another spot opened up a couple spots down. Here's where things get fun.

As he drove by my about-to-burst-pregnant wife he said, "Don't hurry!" SERIOUSLY?!?!? What is wrong with you? Always the diplomatic one, my wife ignored him, finished strapping our son in his car seat and got into the car. As she pulled out and started to drive off, our hero (read: jackass) slowly walks across the parking lot directly in front of the car at the slowest pace possible. He actually waited so he could slowly cross in front of her!

My wife used to be a middle school teacher. This is the type of thing her students would do. But this was a grown man. Shouldn't he be at work? Shouldn't he recognize that she is pregnant and putting 2 kids in the car. Hell, a nice guy would have parked and helped her with the stroller. This guy certainly does not heart SAHMs. Sometimes people just boggle the mind. OK, I'm done. Rant over.

Gifts for SAHMs: Bed & Breakfast Retreat

While I realize that most of the people that read this blog will be actual SAHMs, I do want to provide information and tips for the SAHM lovers out there (significant others, parents, teachers, etc) that may be looking for ways to pay back the SAHM in their life that does so much.

One of the ways I plan on doing this is to share gift ideas that are perfect for SAHMs. While I think almost every woman loves flowers (so I've been told) you can only rely on www.proflowers.com for so long. Some times you need to think outside the box (or vase).

Our first idea is a big one! Don't worry, not every idea will be this expensive. But I wanted to start with something special. Something that I like to give my wife every once in a while (OK, like every other year). Today's gift idea: a romantic get-away weekend to a bed and breakfast!

SAHMs spend so much of their time cooking, cleaning and catering to everyone else's needs, sometimes they just need to be pampered. No need to get up early and make breakfast, someone else can take care of that. Leave that towel on the floor, someone will be in later to pick it up and give you a fresh one. Spend all day in a comfy robe curled up watching old movies or reading a book, there are no kids to entertain today.

The weekend get-away obviously requires finding someone to watch the kids for a couple of days (are you listening Nana?), but once you get away it is time to relax. As opposed to a typical hotel, a bed and breakfast offers a little more of a cozy setting that is perfect for romance. Or for sleeping if you just need to catch up on your Z's.

Choosing a B&B can be a bit of a daunting task, especially if you have no idea where to look or what to look for. We'll start with the "where." There are a number of websites that can help you find a B&B near you. My favorites are http://www.bbonline.com/, http://www.bedandbreakfast.com/, and http://www.bnbfinder.com/. Each site allows you to narrow your search by state and by region within your chosen state. So if you are looking for a B&B in the Napa Valley, you don't have to search through 100 B&Bs in Southern California.

That "what" part of this equation is much more personal. B&Bs come in all shapes and sizes. You might have to try a few out before you find your niche. For instance, my wife and I prefer a bed and breakfast with a more contemporary look. We're not much into doilies and flower pattern wallpaper. And for us, a 2 person jetted tub is basically a deal breaker. If you don't have one, we're not interested. As an example, this is our favorite B&B in the world: Hermann Hill Vineyard & Inn in Hermann, MO.

So send the kids off the see Grandma this weekend and treat your SAHM to some well deserved rest and relaxtion at your favorite B&B.

Tax Credit for SAHMs

In Missouri we currently have a bill pending before the state legislature that would offer SAHMs $600 in scholarships every year in an effort to help them re-enter the workforce after their kids are grown. House Bill 498 excludes SAHMs that claim a dependent day care credit on their federal income taxes, submit claims for dependent day care through a cafeteria or flex spending program, or earn an annual income over $1,000.

As a side note, this bill also specifically excludes stay-at-home dads. As a dad, this really ticks me off, but that's a rant for another day.

While this bill has about a 0.21% chance of passing (the sponsor is INSANE and not really that fond of SAHMs), it made me wonder if any other states have similar laws on the books. Does anyone know of any state that provides some level of scholarship, tax credit, etc., specifically for SAHMs?

Tips For Saving Money on Groceries

When my wife and I decided it would be good for her stay home with our kids, we knew we were going to make sacrifices. Fewer trips to our favorite restaurants. Significantly less disposable income. We even traded in one of our cars to free up some more money.

Then my wife said something that has really stuck with me. She told me that one of her new "jobs" was to find ways to save money. That meant buying less and making our purchases have more "bang for the buck." As time has gone by, we've found a number of ways to stretch our dollars. Today we're going focus on the grocery bill.

One of our biggest expenditures every month is on food. Remember, one of those things you sacrifice as a one-income family is eating out. As a result, you spend more money on groceries (but save a ton of money in the long run). Here are a couple of ways to save money on your monthly grocery bill without spending a full day travelling all over town to buy a few items at 4 different grocery stores.

• Consider shopping at a discount store. For us, that meant Aldi (find your local Adli at http://www.aldifoods.com/. I have to admit that I was a little skeptical at first. I mean, the whole paying a quarter to get a cart thing is a little strange. But the savings were undeniable. Our food bill was slashed when we started shopping at Aldi. There are some things you can't find at Aldi and some of the products there are way below par (the pre-packaged filet mignon tasted a lot like hot dog), you have to understand there will be a trade-off for saving that much money.


• Coupons, coupons, coupons! You're not going to cut your bill in half by using coupons, but the minimal effort can save you a few dollars every trip. At that adds up. Look for websites that provide coupons (http://www.grocerycouponguide.com/ and http://www.couponmom.com/ for instance). There is really zero work for you. Just take a look at the sites before you head to the store (or before you plan your week's shopping list) and find coupons for things are plan to buy.


• Speaking of coupons, we've found that Hy-Vee actually has a coupon by e-mail service (sign up here). We signed up at our local Hy-Vee and have used a number of the coupons e-mailed to us. I'm not sure if other stores do this, but I would be shocked if Hy-Vee was the only one. Ask at customer service to see your favorite grocery store has this type of service.


• Finally, embrace the leftover! I know some people just do not like leftovers. They practically refuse to save anything from a meal to eat later. Seriously?!? As a single income family, that just isn't an option. We regularly make meals for dinner that will provide lunches for the at least one or two days during the week. The cost of making a little extra pales in comparison to the cost of making a full meal at lunch every day.
  

These are just a few ways to save money at the grocery store. I would love to hear other people's tricks and tips.

The Inspiration For This Blog

So you might be wondering why a guy would start a blog dedicated to stay-at-home moms. I guess that's a valid question. I would probably be curious why a stay-at-home mom would start a blog dedicated to working fathers. After all, what could I learn about being a working dad (which I am) from a stay-at-home mom (which I'm definitely not!). It does seem a little counter-intuitive.

So here's the deal. Seven months ago my wife became a full-time SAHM. She quit her job as a middle school reading teacher (a job she LOVED, by the way) to stay at home with our 3 year old son Moe and 1 year old daughter Franki. We really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we quickly realized we had a lot to learn. It has taken a while, but we seem to have hit our stride.

Before we get too far, let me say that I realize my wife has by far the most difficult part of this setup. It's not easy to chase 2 toddlers around all day. To make it even more difficult just shortly after we decided to change our lives dramatically, we got some BIG news: we were expecting ANOTHER baby. Baby #3 (tentatively named Henry) is due March 20th. That makes 3 in 3 1/2 years! All that being said, this was a joint decision and has definitely been a joint venture. I am definitely NOT a hands-off dad. I still do dishes, help clean the house and do my share of the laundry. So when I say "we" instead of "my wife" in certain places, I don't want anyone to get offended.

So anyway, my wife's introduction to the SAHM lifestyle has been a little rocky. But we wouldn't change a thing. It's been a tough transition, but we have turned the corner and seem to finally have things under control.

After watching my wife over the last few months, I decided it would be interesting to share a dad's perspective on the stay-at-home mom. And while I'm at it, why not share some resources, tips and ideas that make it just a little bit easier to be a SAHM. And I would love to hear what people think. About my ideas, my stories or anything else SAHM. I really want this to become a conversation that can help SAHMs succeed or convince families this is a step they can take.